s01e02 Monica: He is the Prince. Apparently they had some big ceremony before I was born

What ceremony does Monica talk about?

Monica can't stop cleaning her apartment that is already pretty clean. She is extra obsessed because her parents are coming for dinner. Joey wonders why is it just Monica, not her brother Ross, so anxious to to appear doing well, when family time is approaching.

Monica: That's because as far as my parents are concerned, Ross can do no wrong. You see, he's the Prince. Apparently they had some big ceremony before I was born.

It appears that Monica refers to the mock up of a crowning ceremony, that Judy and Jack Geller have done for their son. This act sounds pretty insane. And I assume this is the wild exaggerated part of the joke. But in order for joke to work, it has got to have a reality based root. This bit doesn't ring true to me, but judging by the laughter Monica's ceremony joke get, it does for the American audience. So this is where I dug deeper and found the cultural cord I was missing.

Tu sum my findings up by mentioning this ceremony bit Monica refers to the mix the Freud psychology, tradition and maybe even trauma in the family's history. Let me explain.

First, let's dig into psychology part of the joke. In her interview to Entertainment Weekly Christina Pickles, the actress who played Ross and Monica's mom, answers to a question, if she is anything like her character Judy Geller in real life:

"I get to say everything I want to say but can’t [in real life]. Plus, I have a boy and a girl similarly aged. And I probably favor my son a little."

If you happen to be a parent, or you are yourself a child with a sibling of a gender that is different from yours, you might see what Christina Pickles is saying.

Christina Pickles alludes to the Freud's theory called Oedipus Complex. According to it moms and boys do have a special bond.

And what about girls? Not so much. Daughters are more likely to have a rather more critical, than adoring mother's eye following them. It seems to be the sameness of sex that prones mothers to project their own problems on their daughters. So there is no way Judy would throw a crowning ceremony for her daughter.

That Oedipus complex mentioned above is only multiplied by Jewish tradition. If you watch not just FRIENDS show, but also other American movies and shows, like Sex and The City, or Nobody Wants This, The Guilt Trip, you might have noticed the Jewish Mom trope. That Jewish Mother stereotype says that, those mothers are especially overbearing and emotionally manipulative, and can persistently interfere in their children's life long after they've become adults. Not true for everyone of course, but still there is a cultural basis for this sort of relationship. For Ross it is no biggy, since he being a boy and the first born falls, into a the loving category. Ross is praised, encouraged and bragged about by his parents. To Monica this Jewish moms' trope turns with its less pleasant side. Constant critique, expectations that are too high and non-stop comparison with an older brother from her parents make Monica turn to food indulging as a child and later into obsessive need for control.

One more bit that will help us understand the basis for the ceremony-joke lays again with the Gellers' Jewishness. It is well known that tradition and rituals are big in Jewish culture. Think Hanukkah's candles lighting and every Friday's challah bread baking, and Purim's scary costumes making. This the basis of how Jack and Judy Geller came up with the idea for the big ceremony that would turn Ross into the Prince. Weird? Yes. But since the joke has all this cultural back story and we remember that both creators of FRIENDS, Marta Kauffman and Davide Crane, are Jewish, no wonder such prince-making-ceremony sounded logical and funny to the writers.

By this moment Judy sounds horrific as a mother. But let me redeem her here even if just a bit. Let's take a look at not just the order of birth, but at the actual age difference between Geller's siblings.

According to googling, Ross was born on 18th of October in 1968. Monica is born just short eight months later, on June 15, 1969! It means Judy Geller got pregnant with Monica right after Ross was born and also that Monica was born premature. If you ever gave birth, or been really invested into the one who had, you know how crazy that is. Most likely Monica, unlike Ross was an accident and an utterly taxing one for Judy's body and psyche, as a mother. Plus all the extra sleeplessness at nights caring for a premature child. And I mind you, later in the show Jack acknowledges that he never helped raising the kids. Hence, most likely Judy has had a postpartum depression no one even talked about back then. So even though Monica was just an innocent child, Judy must have had the hardest time falling in love with her daughter.

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Did I get this joke right? Share your takes in the comment section!

Katia