s01e02 Jack Geller: I'm not going to tell you what they spent on that wedding, but $40,000 is a lot of money

 

Why was it Rachel's parents who had spent $40,000 on the wedding, not Barry's? 

It is a day after Rachel's running away from her wedding. This evening Monica hosts a dinner for her family. The parents appear to know Rachel's parents well and now sharing gossips with their kids.

Jack Geller: I'm not going to tell you what they spent on that wedding, but $40,000 is a lot of money

Why does Jack mention only Rachel's family expenses? Why there seem to be no implication of Barry's the groom's family input for the big celebration too?It was a surprise for me to find out that according to the rules of etiquette it is the bride's family who is supposed to pay for the wedding in the USA. 

This tradition is traced back to the times when giving dowery away along with one's daughter was a common practice. It used to be especially true for girls of higher circles. Those potential brides were only marriageable if they had a piece of land, of a big bag of money to be attached as a present to a groom's family. To be fare poor people would normally marry without expectation for a dowry.

This dowery tradition was brought to the USA with the immigrants from England. With time the giving dowery act has transformed into a payment for a pricy wedding. This way of expense sharing doesn't seem to make any sense in a nowerdays America, where women are not supposed to be treated as a property anymore. But you know traditions even the senseless ones have a clear structure and that charm of the olden days, and not everyone is brave enough to challenge them, let along to come up with a new one. So bride's families in the USA, keep paying for the biggest party of their little princesses. 

But I also have to mention that recently as one survey says up to the third of marrying couples pay for the event all by themselves, without either parents' input. It might be connected to the current tendency of general public's first aiming to establish their career and only after gaining a certain level of financial security really start looking for a partner to settle down with.

There is a nuance to the paying for the wedding tradition which sheds this extra ray of light on the joke from the very first episode too. If you ever got married or attended a wedding you might have noticed that there are a lot more expenses to a wedding than a party itself. And it is not just bride's side that pays for it all. For example the groom's family has to pay for a honeymoon. This newly weds' trip can prove to be as pricy as all the reception expenses put together. 

Now close your eyes and mentally go to the first episode of FRIENDS show or open a new tab with this previous post of mine. Remember when Ross feels sorry for Rachel for not even getting her honeymoon and this reminder of his sends Rachel on a verge of tears? The distress on Rachel's face is not just because Aruba promised her a beautiful time on its paradise like island, but also because this honeymoon was supposed to be her gift from Barry's parents.

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Did I get this joke right? Share your thoughts in the comment section!

Katia